the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
