I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
