Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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