I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
