apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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