why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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