Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
