new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
