Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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