when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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