you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
