So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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