Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
