thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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