i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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