Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
