I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
