No stitches, just platelets and will power
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
