Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
