Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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