im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just had sex on a roof
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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