Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
