Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
