Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fill condoms, not promises.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
