They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
