morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
