I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
