Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
These tits shall not be calmed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
