i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
