So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
