fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
