Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
