If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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