her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
