so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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