ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize