so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i love accidental penises.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
