just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
