why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
