Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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