just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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