Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
