you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
