i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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