I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
