finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
