shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize