Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
last night I used snow as a chaser
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
