A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
