You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
