The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
