His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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