Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
