I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
