is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize