I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
