Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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