I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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