matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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