Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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