I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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