I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
