I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
