he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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