Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
