if you like me you must not know who I am
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
