Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
