i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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