Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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